Australians Behaving Badly – Ita Buttrose

Ita Buttrose AO, OBE, the founding editor of Cleo magazine, began her long career in journalism at the age of 15. In 1975, Ita Buttrose moved on the edit The Australian Women’s Weekly, and in 1981 was made Editor-in-Chief of the Daily Telegraph and Sunday Telegraph by Rupert Murdoch. As such, Buttrose became the first woman to edit a major metropolitan daily in Australia. Ita Buttrose has written nine books, the most recent A Guide to Australian Etiquette. On Wednesday 11 May 2011, Ita Buttrose addressed The Sydney Institute to talk about Australians, both those she has known and not, and their bad behaviour.

AUSTRALIANS BEHAVING BADLY

ITA BUTTROSE

It’s not every day that I’m invited by such a prestigious organisation as The Sydney Institute to talk about Australians and their behaviour. So I sincerely thank the Institute for this irresistible opportunity. I assure you that I am not here to lecture my fellow Australians about their shortcomings, but rather to sound a clarion call about disturbing changes that are happening in our community. I have noted them in my new book A Guide to Australian Etiquette and I want to elaborate on the ones that most concern me this evening. I must confess to a touch of nervousness, however, about standing here before you at this lectern. The last time I was called upon to talk to Australians about their behaviour I did so as chair of the National Advisory Committee on AIDS – NACAIDS.

One of my responsibilities was to spell out the risk that the HIV/AIDS virus represented (and still does) and that sleeping around carelessly was to be avoided at all times. Indeed, I said that if you didn’t know where the person you were sleeping with had slept last night, then don’t do so. I was so committed to my task of educating Australians about unsafe sex that I even admitted I had become a radical celebate. I did not expect the newspaper headline the following week: “ITA TELLS – MY LIFE WITHOUT SEX.”

Nor did I expect Mike Munro, then a reporter with 60 Minutes, to ask me during an interview for the show: “When did you last have it?” It was one of my first personal encounters with an Australian behaving badly.  (What’s that? What did I tell Mike?  I told him it was none of his business – and it’s none of yours either!)

The British writer G.K. Chesterton once said, “If a thing is worth doing, it is worth doing badly.” And so many Australians have taken this to heart, celebrities, politicians, sportsmen, businessmen. Australian business is littered with skeletons. Renovating homes home with shareholders’ funds, insider trading, fraud, perverting the course of justice, bribery, failing in their duties as a director…names like Brad Cooper, Ray Williams, Rodney Adler, Brian Quinn, Alan Bond , Laurie Connell, Eddie Groves…come to mind.

Sportsmen often land themselves in serious trouble by forgetting their manners when they are away from their chosen game. Their indiscreet behavior is often a hot Twitter topic. We all know that the new social media has led to different ways of communicating, some of which I have my doubts about – I’ll have more to say on that shortly. But who would have thought Twitter would be used to woo a woman instead of red roses?

For instance, cricketing legend and mobile phone addict Shane Warne appears to have conducted his romance with British model Liz Hurley by Twitter. Once a man would have informed a woman’s parents of his intentions, but not Shane; he has told the world about his plans for Liz via a plethora of intimate Tweets. But underpants?  Really Shane what were you thinking? How could you publicly ask Liz if she’d like to try on a pair of yours?  Big parachute style or skimpy ones indeed!

But it’s not only off the cricket pitch where the rules of etiquette are often forgotten. Footballers are in a class their own – class is probably the wrong choice of word as there’s nothing classy about the behaviour of some of our Rugby League and AFL players. League’s proud reputation has been trashed by the conduct of certain players some of whom have been described as sexual predators.

I suppose women are meant to be reassured that the AFL football code states that no player should ever pretend to be another player’s best mate in an attempt to have sex with his girlfriend or that you never watch a player’s mate have sex with his girlfriend.

Instead of treating women badly footballers should be opening doors. As a symbol to the nation I call upon the AFL to rename Melbourne’s Ethihad Stadium to Eti-quette Stadium so that it becomes a vision for all Australian football players to behave well. I know it’s a waste of energy to be angry with someone who behaves badly, just as it is to be angry with a car that won’t go.

So I’m not going to maintain the rage against Phillip Adams – but I do wish someone had taught him some manners. I contend that it is lack of proper training at an early age that causes the problem of people behaving badly.

As most Australians know – and have certainly been reminded, due to the ratings success of Paper Giants: The Birth of Cleo on ABC TV recently – I have a lisp.  Some people have described it as a speech impediment; others as “unfortunate”. All I can say is that I have never felt ashamed of the way I speak. However, it is rude and hurtful to make fun of a person’s speech impediment. I did manage to laugh when I was running The Australian Women’s Weekly and Phillip Adams devoted an entire page in the Melbourne Age to my lisp – he now writes for The Australian. Actually, I’ve worked hard to eradicate my lisp but there are certain words that do bring it out – notably words with “S” in them. John Singleton once declared that my speech impediment was one of the reasons for my success.  Because I was less than perfect, I was perfect.

But I digress: as I was saying, Phillip Adams once devoted his entire column to my lisp. It went something like this.

Hellow…Thith Isth Ita Buttroth, editor of The Australian Women’th Weekly, thitting here in the thudio, thilming at you from the screen…I’d like to tell you about thith week’th thuper issue.

We show you how to teach your cat how to thing opera; how to turn your great Dane into a Chihuahua by employing anthient Japanese bontha techniqueths…what Kamahl is wearing under hith caftan…

And on and on it went.

Before they published the column, The Age sent it to me. They were worried I’d sue – but how could I? I read it out loud to my colleagues in the Packer tap room, where we would meet for a drink around six in the evening. We all laughed till we cried. But although I laughed, the insensitivity of Phillip’s column did leave its mark. Little did I think that all these years later – seemingly inspired by Asher Keddie’s portrayal of me in Paper Giants (I reckon the producers found every single “s” word that causes me to lisp and gave them to Asher to say) – Phillip recently parodied my lisp again.

I was dismayed that he could be so thoughtless once more about my feelings.  There I was flying home after covering the Royal wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton, reading The Australian only to discover that Phillip was lampooning the way I speak in his column.

He recollected his earlier column describing it as “a parody of her (Ita’s) Weekly ads… with her thaying all thorts of thilly thtuff, including telling a thtory about preparing delithiouth thaladth from grath clippinth…”

As someone once said good manners means putting up with someone else’s bad manners. I guess Phillip is a cross I shall have to bear, but I will be sending him a copy of A Guide to Australian Etiquette. I’m told that leopards can change their spots. I thought I’d also pop a copy in the post to Mark Latham and Lindsay Tanner.  What is it with male politicians and Julia Gillard? I know the Prime Minister is more than capable of fighting her own battles but she is our Prime Minister and her office worthy of respect.

You might recollect that former Labor leader Latham declared last year that the Prime Minister lacked empathy and compassion because she doesn’t have children. “People who decide against raising a family have less love in their lives,” he said. What absolute nonsense! And in his just released new book, Sideshow: Dumbing Down Democracy, former Finance Minister Lindsay Tanner, has felt the need to allege that the Prime Minister dyes her hair red to attract attention. Gosh! Fancy that.

By all means attack a Prime Minister politically but personal comments have no place in the public domain. A few weeks ago I heard a 2GB radio host discussing the PM with a male colleague who commented unflatteringly on the PM’s backside and the way she walks.  “My grandmother says she waddles like a duck,” he said laughing before going on to say: “It’s okay for me to say that because my grandmother said it.” No it’s not. It’s not only sexist but uncalled for. You never hear such personal comments levelled at male politicians.

This has nothing to do with being Labor or Liberal, Green or Independent – this is to do with respecting women in high office. Respecting all women – full stop! Will men ever stop judging women’s performance by their physical appearance? Sometimes I feel like weeping. Speaking about physical appearances reminds me of the time I inadvertently discovered that I was behaving badly as far as my complexion was concerned. I had no idea.

It was 30 years ago when I was in London covering the wedding of Prince William’s parents, Charles and Diana.  I was then Editor-in-Chief of the Daily & Sunday Telegraphs and was reporting on the wedding for Network TEN which the Telegraphs’ proprietor, Rupert Murdoch, then owned. I interviewed everyone and anyone who had something to do with the wedding including the incredible Barbara Cartland – perhaps the world’s most prolific romantic novelist ever. Her daughter Raine was married to Princess Diana’s father, Earl Spencer. I went to see Barbara at her mansion in Hertfordshire. She was waiting to welcome us at the front door, looking resplendent in her bright pink silk dress (the colour pink was her trademark).

The first thing I noticed was her fabulous skin. White, not a freckle or a wrinkle to be seen; clearly never kissed by the sun as our faces are in Australia.

I complemented her on her beautiful skin.

“My dear,” she replied, “A long time ago I had to decide between my face or my figure. My face won.” The interview went well. We had a long discussion about the virtues of virgins – being a virgin was a requirement for Diana as a suitable bride for Charles. What would Barbara have thought about William and Kate living together before their marriage I wonder?  How times have changed…

Afterwards Barbara asked us to stay for lunch – me, the cameraman and the sound man. She asked if we’d like a drink before lunch.  I had a gin and tonic; Barbara had a brandy and dry and the blokes had a beer. We’d just about finished lunch – which was delicious – when she asked if I’d like to see her library.  I said I’d love to. Now I don’t know if you’ve ever seen a library with 450 books all written by the same person….it’s quite an impressive sight.

I confided in her my ambition to one day to write a romantic novel. She was very encouraging and told me how she dictated her books into a machine; her secretary typed up her notes, etc. She told me writing romantic novels was a pleasant way to spend one’s time because they always ended happily.

We went back to the dining room, had coffee and, as I was about to leave, Barbara asked: “My dear, may I give you some advice?” I thought oh my, she’s going to give me the formula. They say there’s a formula for writing romantic novels… and I was going to get it. “Yes of course Miss Cartland,” I replied. “My dear,” she said.  “Never drink gin. It makes the skin sag. You should drink only brandy. Tightens the skin up.

But don’t overdo it!” I promised her I wouldn’t.

I was browsing in a small bookshop in London’s Russell Square when I was there for William and Kate’s wedding and couldn’t believe my eyes. There was a copy of Barbara Cartland’s Etiquette Handbook – A Guide To Good Behaviour From The Boudoir To The Boardroom. She wrote it in 1962. In it she writes about “A Magic Formula”.  No it’s nothing to do with writing novels or the beauty benefits of brandy. As Cartland puts it: “The magic formula for good manners that ensures personal success, and every possible advancement, is to say ‘thank you’ and keep on saying it.”

In A Guide to Australian Etiquette, I have singled out “Thank You” as two VIP words. They also happen to be the two most forgotten words of the twenty-first century.  They seem to have vanished from many people’s vocabularies. Yet they are such a powerful pair of words. They can open unexpected doors of opportunity merely because someone has been impressed by another person taking the time to say thanks. Saying thank you is not something that goes in and out of fashion. These two little words should be firmly ingrained into people’s minds from birth and practised on a regular basis so that using them regularly becomes a lifelong habit.

I’m not the only person who wants to know why thank you has disappeared. The NSW Chief Justice Jim Spigleman, who retires at the end of this month, has raised his concerns about “a society  guilty of lacking ordinary manners” and about the “virtual disappearance in common discourse of words such as ‘please’, ‘thank you’, and ‘sorry’.” Melbourne business man and former Federal Liberal Party president John Elliott is so concerned at the lack of manners in Australia that he has set up a website to give advice on manners.

John says that in the last 20 years manners have rapidly deteriorated and has called for parents to take a hard look at the way they educate and manage their children’s behaviour. I agree with him. When my book came out John sent me a delightful book Manners for Women written by Mrs Humphry Madge in the late 1890s.  Mrs Madge was a great believer in laughter and advocated women should laugh more – and louder, as she put it:

There is no greater ornament to conversation than the ripple of silvery notes that forms the perfect laugh … doctors tell us that laughter defeats the spleen, stimulates the circulation, improves the digestion and reacts most favourably upon the health.

Who would have thought a laugh packed so much power? So do women laugh enough today? Perhaps not. Could that be because so many of them are too busy texting or leaving messages on voicemails? Laughter just doesn’t come into that kind of communication. But it’s not only laughter that suffers in the world of social networking; manners are often forgotten too. Social networking allows people to become members of on-line communities where all that matters are the common interests of the members.

Verbal communication is suffering and that has to be a major concern. I can’t be the only person who wishes that every now and then someone would pick up the phone and talk to me to resolve a problem instead of emailing and texting.

There is something to be said for the personal touch! If you accept my premise that manners are about respect and essential for civilised living, then the way we communicate with one another has a vital role to play in how we successfully do this. Often people communicate too little, too much, ineffectively, without thought; without respecting another person’s reputation. The anonymity that social networking provides certainly gives rise to lack of consideration for the feelings for others – and sometimes gutlessness.

Much of social networking is about mob rule and the bullying and sheeplike behaviour that often follows. Perhaps this would be an appropriate time for me to start studying mass psychology. There’s no escaping the fact that social networking is contributing to a breakdown in what people perceived as a civil society – and that’s because control is breaking down. But I question whether that is altogether a bad thing. Think of Egypt, for instance. Egypt is free because of a social networking revolution – and it continues in Libya and other Arab countries.

Facebook – one of my friends refers to it as Faceache – can be a positive venue. When a popular teacher from one of my children’s schools died recently, the outpouring of grief and tributes to her was inspiring. She’d had a great influence on many of the students and they used Facebook to express their grief and to try to come to terms with what had happened. It was also wonderful for her parents and siblings to see what had been written. This is an excellent example of the positive side of social networking.

However the debate continues about whether the positives of social networking outweigh the negative. I believe in social networks but sometimes I find the extreme exhibitionism somewhat alarming. Do we have to know everything?

Surely a modicum of privacy adds to any relationship be it personal or business. Some people are voyeuristic; others neutral and others find it distasteful. I do worry about personal brand and social media and believe that ultimately we will all be measured by social media particularly in terms of trust and reputation and there will be losers.

While eight million dollars a year Shane Warne mightn’t care – the damage young people do their personal brand is irreparable. What’s needed is some sort of social media index of good form…but even so I don’t think the virtual world will ever replace the real world as a place for making friends and meeting people; falling in love, sharing the good things in life, and treating fellow human beings with respect. The latter is essential for civilised living. Times may have changed and will continue to change, but with or without the Internet, good manners will never go out of fashion.

So let me close with those two little VIP words – thank you to The Sydney Institute for inviting me here this evening. And thank you to all of you here for coming along to hear what I’ve had to say.  I hope I have given you some food for thought. One final word about respect:  Respecting the guest speaker is essential and now that your turn has come to ask questions I trust I will not be subjected to any examples of Australians behaving badly.